P.S. If you have questions or comments-or just want to share your marketing results, e-mail me at rwbly@bly.com.

Bob Bly
Copywriter/consultant
22 E. Quackenbush Ave.
Dumont, NJ 07628
rwbly@bly.com
phone 201-385-1220
fax 201-385-1138
www.bly.com

If you asked me how long I've been a coach, in essence, the answer is, "All my life." I've always seemed to be incapable of having a piece of useful information and not passing it on. I love helping people.

Part of this has come from my own background and healing journey. I was sexually abused in childhood and suppressed the experiences into amnesia, which did not crack open until I was in my early 30's. I've spent more than 20 years on my own healing journey, and have come to the point of releasing the perpetrators from my heart with love. Today, incest is a non-issue in my life.

Because of the journey I've taken, the healing techniques I've had to learn and the amazingly gifted people with whom I've done my work, I feel I have a tremendous amount to bring to my coaching clients. My feeling is, if I can make it through what I've made it through to my current abundant, expansive life, you can do it, too, and live the future of your dreams.

In the broadest terms, coaching differs from therapy in that therapy deals with uncovering and making sense of an individual's past. Coaching deals solely with where you are right now, and where you want to be in the future -- in other words, the present and the future.

I like to explain coaching by going into the biochemistry of the brain. Don't panic; there won't be a test.

Have you ever seen a picture of the brain? It has convolutions, valleys and ridges all over, and no two brains are alike. That's because the "relief map" contours of the brain are created by each individual's thoughts. When we think a thought, speak a phrase, hold a belief or attitude, neurons in the brain align with each other and fire along a pathway. When we repeatedly think, say, or do the same thing, the neurons keep firing along the same path and begin to etch a progressively deeper channel in the brain. After a while, the association of thoughts and behaviors, words and actions, becomes automatic.

This is how habits are formed -- it's brain biochemistry, neuronal pathways lining up. This bit of biochemistry even shows up in our language: people talk about being "in the groove" or "in a rut," and that wording is literal.
The "groove" or "rut" is the ever-deepening neuronal pathway.
Habits create comfortable short-cuts; we don't have to think to do them. The problem comes when one wishes to change a habit -- say, start an exercise program or change her thinking about a long-held attitude. The person starts out with the best of intentions to make a change, meaning they are creating a new neuronal pathway that runs counter to the existing one. But when this new, shallow pathway encounters a deeper, entrenched set of neurons -- the habit -- they "slip on a banana peel" and fall into the rut, the groove -- and the old habit reasserts otse;f. This is when we tend to beat ourselves up as "having no willpower" or "being a bad person," or "stuck." But falling back into an old habit is not purely a matter of will or self-judgment; you're up against your brain's biochemistry. You are literally being held in place by the limits of your neuronal net, like a too-tight cap on your brain.

Coaching consciously works to expand your neuronal net, strategizing ways to give you options in thought and action. We strategize manageable steps, use techniques to "fool" the brain into loosening its neuronal patterns.

Everything is anchored in the present, but aimed at a clearly defined future. If forward motion is stuck, if the client resists doing what is required to change, that's the only time you are coached to go into past. We reach back only far enough and long enough to identify whatever is holding you back, and then institute a shifting exercise to detach you from that energy. Once in place, the exercise takes less than 30 seconds a day, and if you do it for 21 days in a row, you will have begun building a new neuronal pathway that will allow you to move forward unimpeded.

To be continued in our next issue

Paula Lambert has tried over twenty different diets and is now a recovered dieter. She try a new diet, would lose 15 to 30 pounds, and then gain all the weight back. Each diet was going to be the magic pill that would take the weight off for good. The years went by and Lambert was heavier, unhealthy and more miserable than ever. When asked how much weight she had lost over the last twenty-five years Lambert replied, "I must have lost a total of over 600 pounds. It seemed that with each birthday my weight increased and I was trying another fad diet. Nothing seemed to work!" Is every weight loss doomed to failure? Is the hope always false? The findings of the government's National Institutes of Health panel in the early 1990's is that 95 percent of diet attempts ultimately end in regained weight.

How do you define success and the term diet?
If you define success as a modest weight loss attributed to healthy eating and a regular exercise program then success is attainable.
If you define diet as a healthy and reasonable change of your overall lifestyle (the way you eat and exercise) versus an extreme short-term period of deprivation, you will be healthier and more energetic and, you may lose weight as a happy payoff.

Diets give us false hope
According to University of Toronto psychologist C. Peter Herman, Ph.D. And his research partner Janet Polivy, Ph.D., describe a phenomenon they call the False Hope Syndrome. It is the diet roller coaster: the resolution for self-improvement, initial success with pounds lost, ultimate failure, and the eventual renewed commitment (i.e. a new diet). Some people do succeed at losing weight and keeping it off. So addictive dieters convince themselves that, the next time will be the diet that will work for them.

Diets Create Low Self-Esteem
What women need to realize is that it's many times "the diet and fashion industries that make us feel that we're not OK unless we're thin." So the dieter does a number on herself ("I didn't try hard enough," "I picked the wrong diet," or "am a weak person and don't have enough will power"), society reinforces those assumptions.
"The level of desperation about weight loss is so high that people suspend good judgement, logic and insight despite information that diet's don't work," says David Garner, director of the River Centre Clinic Eating Disorders Program at Bowling Green University. "The prejudice against large people in our society is striking, and it's a powerful incentive to try to change. While filming the movie, "Shallow Hal", Gweneth Pathrow wore her "fat suit" down to the hotel bar and she was dismayed and hurt by the emotional abuse she experienced as a "fat person". "Shallow Hal" was a mirror of the way society treats people who are not "perfect".

Say "Yes" to Food!
More women need to start asking themselves, "How am I going to spend the rest of my life? Am I going to keep beating my head against the wall, trying to become something I'm not?" Many women feel shame and because "closet eaters" fearing that someone will see them eat the candy bar or the ice cream. Give yourself permission to have that "forbidden food" on a daily basis will stop the guilt and shame around "good" and "bad" foods. All food is good and should be savored and enjoyed. Tell yourself you deserve to have any type of food you desire and watch the reverse psychology bring freedom into your life. With no restrictions and depravation you can learn to make choices and experiment with the foods you love. The simple act of giving yourself the right to have any food you desire is taking a large step toward self-love and self-acceptance.

Paula Lambert describes the turning point in her life, " I finally realized I had to make a decision to change my relationship with food. Diets made me gain weight and my self-esteem plummeted with each failure. I had severe back pain and I knew I was desparete for a positive change. I decided to implement some easy life style food changes, enjoying all the foods I loved, and I have lost over 90 pounds in the last two years. I regularly attend Weight Watcher meetings for emotional support and I have never felt better in my life. Best of all, I don't have to diet anymore!"

It ends up working a lot like the old dater's adage, which holds that the minute you stop looking for romance is the minute it enters your life. When you stop searching for the "right" crash diet, the miracle pill, you will find the right way to eat for life, for a healthy weight, for pleasure and for fun.

Karen Morse, is the owner of I Shape U Fitness, is a certified trainer, fitness phone coach, and licensed counselor She facilitates monthly fitness ball seminars locally. For more information visit her website www.ishapeufitness.com.
Karen may be reached at 800.535.0143 or 818.249.2425 or kmorse29@earthlink.net for a free fifteen(15) minute phone consultation or free newsletter.

About Matthew Cossolotto
Matthew Cossolotto is the author of HabitForce! How to Kick the Habits of F.A.I.L.U.R.E. and Adopt the Habits of S.U.C.C.E.S. His multifaceted communications career includes eight years as a congressional aide followed by senior-level speechwriting and executive communications positions at MCI, GTE and Pepsi-Cola International. In 1996, Mr. Cossolotto formed Ovations International ("Home of the Standing O®"), providing a wide range of clients with speechwriting, speech coaching and public relations services. Cossolotto has developed a series of innovative "Podium Power" workshops based on the concept of "Whole-Brain Speaking" - designed to help people become more confident, comfortable and authentic speakers by integrating Left Brain (content/preparation-based) and Right Brain (connection/presence-based) functions. He speaks to audiences about Podium Power and HabitForce! His Harness Your HabitForce! workshops are built around two seven-letter acronyms - F.A.I.L.U.R.E. and S.U.C.C.E.S.S. - creating an easily remembered structure that magnifies the program's transformational power. Signed copies of HabitForce! are available online by visiting www.ovations.com.

Mattthew Cossolotto
Ovations International, Inc.
"Home of the Standing O"
3481 Wildwood Street
Yorktown Heights, NY 10598
t. 914-245-9721
matthew@ovations.com
www.ovations.com

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